How Low Self-Esteem Can Ruin Your International Dating Experience

A photo of woman hugging a man from behind International dating works for men who love and respect themselves. | Photo by LOGAN WEAVER on Unsplash

International dating isn’t for everyone. Whatever motivates a man to date a foreign woman, there will always be some sense of adventure and willingness to get out of his comfort zone. If you think about it, there is something to be admired about a man who is willing to cross oceans to find the love of his life.

Self-esteem is a subtle quality that can quietly determine the course of a couple’s relationship. It is a term synonymous with self-worth and self-respect. The highness or lowness of one’s self-esteem is so fundamental to their being that it is worth the effort to build on.

Low self-esteem is not an outright death sentence to your ability to find a woman. As mentioned, it is subtle and can appear at different stages of your life. Its effects can show up when you least expect it. You can read up on all the best dating advice in the world and still end up wondering why your dates never go as planned.

If you have your eyes set on having a great dating experience abroad, it will be worth the effort to have a deep self-examination. To further understand, here are some of the ways low self-esteem can affect or even ruin your international dating experience.

It’s unattractive.

Could you tell by someone’s outward appearance if they had self-esteem issues or not? Chances are you’d guess right. Understand that self-esteem can affect how you take care of yourself and your appearance. People who don’t value themselves enough can neglect good grooming, diet, and exercise.

Off the bat, dating involves making yourself attractive to your partner. In tropical countries like the Philippines, Thailand, or Mexico, people are used to a different level of hygiene because of the weather. Foreign men who don’t make the effort to be squeaky clean can be less attractive to the women in these countries.

Aside from looking good physically, self-esteem manifests heavily in your body language and speech. Self-confidence is sexy to a woman. Slumped shoulders, the inability to make eye contact, indirect speech - all of this tells a woman that you’re not it.

You limit your dating options.

Confident women aren’t attracted to unconfident men. Unless you have confidence in your ability to attract a woman, you won’t have any chance with “high value” women. In this case, your dating options just might be women who have low self-esteem as well. Unfortunately, such a relationship might be underwhelming at best.

Now, to be clear, there are several types of self-confidence. You don’t have to come across as casanova to get a great girl. You can be a simple guy but have great confidence in yourself. A lot of “ordinary” guys are dating girls who are seemingly out of their league, but in reality, they are confident and comfortable with who they are and what they do.

If you want to date someone in Ukraine, for example, you’re going to have a bad time if your esteem is not up to par. Ukrainian women expect men to be men. Deeper analysis of what it takes to be a man shows that “real” men respect themselves. If you respect yourself, you respect others, and in return, command respect.

Low self-esteem means low self-respect, which is unattractive to many Ukrainian women.

You attract negativity.

You could write a whole book on the negative effects of low self-esteem as a whole, but your actions as a whole will differ totally. You act on the foundations of insecurity, jealousy, and fear because you don’t feel that you’re good enough.

Imagine if you were on a date with a beautiful woman in Medellin, Colombia. You are at a club where everyone is lively. She wants to dance, but you refuse because you are self-conscious about your lack of dance moves. For food and drinks, you let her do all the ordering because you want to please her too much. Some rude guy at the end of the bar hits on her and you stand down. She teases you a bit about the hole in your jacket but you sour up because you can’t laugh at yourself. See the pattern?

People with alarmingly low self-esteem make for terrible dates and terrible partners. In countries where masculinity is a sought-after trait by women, these kinds of men might not fare very well.

How to fix it.

Like all personal problems, the solutions start with an honest self-evaluation. You need to accept that you might have esteem issues and you need to figure out why.

After coming to terms, you need to take baby steps. Get yourself some personal life wins by setting small, achievable goals and accomplishing them. A good example would be to run a mile a day, or learn a couple of foreign words a day. With achievement comes confidence.

Pay attention to your diet and your overall fitness. What you eat can affect how you feel. Avoid eating too much sugar, carbs, or junk. Eating clean will not only make your body feel and look better, it will improve your mental clarity as well.

A good way to expand your comfort zone is to practice confidence. Start with the mirror. Note your posture. Is your body upright? Do you smile enough? It might be awkward at first, but it will get better as time passes.

Any realistic dating advice should focus on yourself before your date. It’s no wonder people who work on themselves first have less trouble with their love lives. Unless you can love yourself first, you can’t love others effectively.

When you choose to date abroad, you are in effect telling yourself that you deserve to find love even if you have to travel the world to do it. That in itself is a great sign that you care enough about yourself to make such a bold move. If you can focus on how much you value yourself, you are going to attract women effortlessly. Start with this and your international dating experience will be sensational!

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